Narrow Down Your Wedding Guest List With Ease (and Without the Guilt)

Published:
April 17, 2024
Updated:
December 4, 2024
At microWED Collective, LLC, we want to be transparent with our audience. Some of the links on our website, in our emails, and in our guides may be affiliate links, which means we may earn a commission if you make a purchase through those links. Rest assured, our editorial integrity remains paramount, and we only recommend products or services that we genuinely believe in. Your trust is important to us, and we strive to provide valuable and honest content at all times.

Having a micro wedding offers so many benefits, but often, one thing keeps couples from actually moving forward with an intimate celebration—the guest list. It can feel gut-wrenching to make decisions about who not to invite, not to mention the drama that can come along with it, so we’ve created this simple step-by-step process to help make the yes/no a lot clearer.

When my husband and I were planning our wedding, we initially thought we’d have a large one, but once we assessed the cost, we quickly realized a smaller one would be a better fit for our vision. These are the steps we took to narrow down our guest list from over 150 guests to 50.

If you’re just popping into the microWED site for the first time, be sure to check out some of the other blogs to help you in the early stages of planning:

  • How to Plan a Micro Wedding
  • How Much Does a Small Wedding Cost

How To Create a Guest List for a Small Wedding

The Importance of Narrowing Down Your Guest List Early

We recommend creating your guest list as one of the foundational elements to planning your micro wedding. It’s easy to put this task off, especially when you’re consumed with dreaming about how your special day will come together, not to mention the stress that can come along with it. But I assure you that getting this out of the way early will set you up for planning success and also help prevent the uncomfortable situation of having to go back to someone you thought you’d invite and tell them they aren’t.

Ideas to Make Your Guest List Smaller

Adults Only

Having an adults-only party is one of the quickest ways to reduce the number of people on your guest list. There are added benefits to this as well: many parents will enjoy the opportunity to socialize with friends and family without having the distraction of their kiddos, and it reduces logistics and planning activities that you might have had to otherwise consider if children were going to be present at your event

Limit Plus-Ones

Keeping plus-ones to significant others only is another great way to narrow down your list. If it’s unclear whether or not a plus-one should be offered for a specific guest, you can put the potential guest through the process outlined below.

Cut Legacy Invites

When my husband and I were working through our invite list, we decided to only consider people who had been a part of our lives as a couple, including family members. It’s easy to want to invite old college friends, colleagues, or others who you were close with in the past, but this is where your guest list can really spin out of control.

Meet the experts

How to Determine Who to Invite to Your Small Wedding

One of the best ways to determine who should make the list is to put anyone you’re considering for your wedding through the guest list test. This step-by-step process can make creating your list much more straightforward and clear. The beauty of using this method to decide who to invite is that you can customize it to suit your desires regarding the type of people who will make the list.

Create Your Guest List Test

Creating your own guest list test is easy! Before you start, you’ll want to sit down with your partner to discuss what’s important to you. This is different for everyone so just be true to yourselves and I promise the list will come together perfectly.

All you need is a pen and paper or an Excel or Google sheet to create your list.

Follow these steps to make your own test.

  1. Select 5-8 questions from the list below (or create your own)
  2. Write down your selected questions across the top of a piece of paper or on an Excel or Google sheet
  3. List everyone you’re considering for your wedding in the rows on the worksheet
  4. Go through each person and give them a checkmark for every question where the answer is ‘yes’
Questions to Ask

The questions on your guest list test can be anything! Just be sure to choose questions where a resulting ‘yes’ would rate the potential guest higher. For example, if you’re having an adults-only event, you’ll want to ask the question, “Are they an adult?” as opposed to “Are they a child?” Here are a few ideas for questions you could ask.

  • Do they support our love story?
  • Are they immediate family?
  • Are they extended family?
  • Have we seen them in 10 years?
  • Have we seen them in 5 years?
  • Have we seen them in 3 years?
  • Have they been in our lives since we’ve been together?
  • Do we see them regularly?
  • Do we enjoy spending time with them?
  • Would we take them out to dinner?
  • Are they fun?
  • Do we see them in our future?
  • Do we both know them?
  • Are they an adult?

If you’re having a destination wedding, you might consider:

  • Are they willing/able to travel?
  • Would they enjoy this location?

These questions can be about anything that’s important to you. Don’t hold back—it’s your day!

Join thousands of other couples planning a small wedding, destination wedding, or honeymoon.

✨ Get daily inspiration and planning tips.

✨ Ask questions and get answers from us and other wedding pros and couples who have been there.

✨ See how other couples are pulling off their dream wedding day and honeymoon.
Join the free community

Make Your Micro Wedding Guest List

Once you have scored all your potential guests, follow these steps to create your list. You’ll want to have a target number in mind before you start, so be sure to have that before you start these steps. Otherwise,. Otherwise, you’ll have a hard time finding where to cut off the list.

  1. Count the checkmarks for each person and write the total to the right of each name
  2. Create your final list by adding people with the highest scores down to the lowest until you reach your capacity.

Voila! You have your guest list!

How To Tell People You’re Having a Small Wedding

Tell Everyone Early

Make sure your friends and family all know you’re having a small wedding or elopement as soon as you decide. Lean on family and friends who are invited to help spread the word about your plans and keep them informed of who is in and who is out so they don’t end up making assumptions.

How to Uninvite a Wedding Guest

If you originally thought you’d have a large wedding and you’ve pivoted or you have people in your family or community who just assume they’ll be there you’ll have to let them down gently.

Let Them Know ASAP

The sooner you can nip this in the bud, the better. See below for some recommendations on what to say. Most of the time, people will understand but it doesn’t make this any easier. Just remember that this is your day and any negative response to your choices does not mean it is the wrong thing to do. This is your day.

What to Say to People Who Aren’t Invited

Creating your small wedding guest list is tricky. Navigating the conversations with people who aren’t invited might be trickier. Here are a few things you can say to people who aren’t invited, if they ask.

Highlight Constraints: "Our venue has strict limitations on the number of guests, so we had to make some tough decisions on the guest list."

Emphasize Intimacy: "We decided to keep our wedding very small and intimate, focusing on our closest family and friends."

Suggest Alternatives: "Although we can't have everyone at the wedding, we'd love to celebrate with you another time."

Express Gratitude:"We are grateful for your understanding and excited to celebrate with you in other ways."

Show Appreciation: "Your friendship means a lot to us, and we appreciate your support as we begin this new chapter."

Narrowing down your wedding guest list is going to be one of the most painful things you do in this process, but once you have it done and announced you’ll feel so much better and well positioned to pull together your micro wedding!

Author Bio
Jennie Swenson is a former micro wedding bride, and she now supports countless couples in planning their own intimate celebrations through her blog, featuring real micro wedding stories and a curated vendor directory. Her practical advice and firsthand experience make her a go-to resource for those seeking to create memorable and meaningful micro weddings.
Every Order Plants a Tree

Similar Posts